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We can try to run away from, rise above, and suppress this feeling, but no matter what we do, insecurity will always win out and get us in the end. It is a part of our make-up and it is a cue that we could choose to step out of our comfort zone and into our learning zone.

So, how to deal with it?

You may be amazed to hear that giving up the battle against insecurity is the answer to beating it.

When you surrender to insecurity and accept that it will always be a part of you, you can invite it into your life as you would an old friend. Try allowing yourself to feel and even love it! Remember the polarity principle. Really secure people are secure enough to allow themselves to feel their insecurity.

When you are feeling insecurity or any of the other separating emotions, try the following simple process. Visualize yourself as the captain of a large cargo ship. You have a lot of cargo to load and you have many ports of call that you are looking forward to visiting. You have a crew of several hundred people and it is important that each crew member knows his job and is prepared to work as a part of a team to get the ship safely and efficiently to the end of its journey. You yourself interviewed and hired the senior officers, but because you were too busy with other important matters, you delegated the rest of the hiring to the appropriate staff.

You have been at sea for some time and there are several crew members who have not been obeying orders and have been sabotaging the rest of the crew’s well-being. They have been confined to their quarters. You tell your first mate to bring the ringleader of this small group of ill-disciplined sailors to the captain’s quarters. There is a knock on your door. You are dressed in full uniform sitting in the captain’s chair. You say “Come in.” The first mate brings in the ringleader. You thank your first mate who leaves, closing the door. You point to an empty chair and tell the scruffy ringleader to sit down in the chair opposite you. You ask this rogue his or her name and they reply: “My name is Insecurity.”

If you can visualize the above, using your imagination to not only vividly see the images but also to feel the feelings that arise, then you are ready to get in touch with your “insecurity”. Like all of your feelings, Insecurity is a member of your crew and always will be. Relax and close your eyes. Get to know this crew member called Insecurity: think about his/her appearance; reasons for joining your crew? Listen to the answers. (Perhaps you are too fearful of the outside world. Perhaps you are not trusting yourself or those close to you.) Get to know Insecurity as fully as you can and welcome him/her as part of your crew as only the captain can do.

You can use this simple visualisation technique for getting in touch with any feeling (or person) you are finding difficult to accept. It really works. When your acceptance is in sight, Insecurity or whatever knows that the battle is over and joins the crew. This saves you the enormous energy involved in trying to throw this member overboard or to keep him locked up.